By Emilia Bruckner
When it comes to dating, most single people will find themselves facing many fears. Those fears have often been present since we can remember, and usually some of our relationships have not worked out recently. They fear rejection because of our looks, confidence, and financial and professional status. Instead of focusing on what we have to offer and where our strengths are, we tend to focus on our weaknesses.
We look at others and compare ourselves to those we perceive as better than us.
We wish to have their bodies, their confidence, professional abilities or finances. So often we think that potential partners will not be interested in us because we lack something that they may be looking for. We assume that we know what our potential partners are looking for, and decide that we probably don't have it.
We forget to be authentic and be not afraid that someone may not find us "perfect" and suitable partners.
Acceptance is what we all seek, but so few of us accept ourselves as we are.
I have discovered that when we see some traits in others we admire, we also have them.
We may be too humble to acknowledge that what we admire - we have as well. It could be in other forms, and it will be in areas of our values. Assuming that someone is not going to like us because we criticise ourselves for not having something we see in others is unwise and can lead to minimalizing ourselves and low self-worth. Everyone has their unique beauty and has much to offer. When we dig deeper and discover that we have all the qualities that we admire in others, our confidence will rise and we become more attractive to others.
RELATIONSHIPS BREAKUPS
Relationships are the most common triggers of our emotions. Everyone is in many kinds of relationships during their lifetime. We have relationships with our parents, siblings, family members, work colleagues, and partners.
We invest our time into those relationships. With investment come expectations. Relationships are also the source of most fulfilment in life.
Humans have an unconscious need for acceptance, belonging and being a part of a family and community. No one wants to be alone and experience life without sharing the joyful and the sad times with someone.
A child looks to their parents for support and company. Young adults look for approval and companionship from their peers. Adults look for a partner to share life with. Someone to connect on a deeper level, someone to open up to, someone to support and be supported by when needed.
Many adults have to overcome fears while they look for a potential partner. Those fears are caused by memories of past events or events they have witnessed while growing up. Those fears can stop them from investing in relationships, being authentic and trusting that they will be loved.
The best way to overcome those fears is to learn that what we see in others, we have in some form in ourselves. Potential partners have the same traits that we have, but they may be expressed in different forms. We are all good at something, and not so good at something else. Meeting new people, and dating different partners gives us an opportunity to get to know ourselves. To grow as people, to become better partners, and to gain wisdom about life.
We attract partners with different traits than ours to learn that we have them as well and to learn appreciation and acceptance. Acceptance relates not only to others but also to accepting ourselves with all our traits and loving every part of who we are.
